Real Repentance Leads to Real Change
Repent, change, forgiveness, habits, boundaries
6/2/20263 min read
What does genuine repentance actually look like?
I once met a man who identified as a person of faith. He had developed a habit of making false accusations against businesses in hopes of receiving financial settlements.
When someone questioned how he could continue doing this and still feel at peace with himself, his response was:
"It's simple. I ask God for forgiveness every night and then do it again the next day."
That response highlights a common misunderstanding of repentance within our religion or relationships.
Many people view repentance as simply saying "I'm sorry" or asking for forgiveness. But true repentance is much deeper than words alone. It involves honesty, accountability, and a willingness to change direction.
If there is no remorse, no reflection, and no desire to change our behaviour, then what we are experiencing is not genuine repentance—it is simply seeking relief from guilt without addressing the underlying issue.
If we are prideful and arrogant about our mistakes and have zero remorse and no change in behavior or direction, that is not real repentance from our sins. If we think we are clever and happily continue on in our " mistakes" that is not repentance or a mistake !!
Whether viewed through a spiritual lens or a personal growth perspective, lasting change requires more than acknowledgment. It requires action.
What Repentance Is Not
Repentance is not:
Saying "I'm sorry" while fully intending to continue the same behaviour.
Feeling bad only because you were caught.
Apologizing but then purposely putting yourself in a vulnerable place where you know I will be frequently tempted.
Looking for forgiveness without accepting responsibility.
Blaming other people, circumstances, or your past for your choices.
Minimizing or justifying the impact of your actions.
Comparing your behaviour to someone else's and deciding yours isn't that bad.
Making excuses instead of making changes.
Continuing harmful patterns while expecting different outcomes.
Flaunting and celebrating your mistakes.. Bro I drank so much last night !
Wanting to avoid the repercussions of our actions- wanting the other person to get over it quickly so you can go back to normal.
Words matter, but actions matter too.
Real Repentance Involves a Change of Heart and Direction
True repentance is more than feeling regret. It is a shift in mindset that leads to a shift in behaviour.
It means becoming willing to examine ourselves honestly and ask difficult questions:
How have my actions affected others?
What patterns keep repeating in my life?
What am I avoiding responsibility for?
What changes am I willing to make moving forward?
Real repentance is not about shame or self-condemnation. It is about growth.
It is the moment we stop defending unhealthy behaviours and start taking ownership of them.
It is choosing integrity over excuses.
It is moving away from what harms us and others and moving toward what aligns with our values, faith, and character.
For many people of faith, repentance also includes a desire to draw closer to God—not merely seeking forgiveness but seeking transformation. Or it can be about doing whatever is within your power to right your wrong. For example, did you ruin someone's reputation with back talk? you can go and speak of all the good that person has done or inform others you have said wrong. In doing so you will also improve your own reputation, and people will trust you because you were able to openly own up to your mistakes.
Other times you may not be able to fix your wrong. You cannot unbreak your late grandmother's vase for instance. Or, potentially the person may not want you to be part of their life anymore.
Real repentance is not perfection. You can only do what is within your own power.
It is the willingness to turn around when we recognize we are headed in the wrong direction and to keep taking steps toward becoming the person we were created to be.
Sometimes the hardest part of repentance, accountability, or personal growth is not recognizing what needs to change—it is understanding why we keep returning to the same patterns despite our best intentions.
Many people find themselves caught between knowing what they want to do and struggling to follow through consistently. Shame, past experiences, relationship dynamics, unresolved wounds, and deeply ingrained beliefs can all influence our ability to create lasting change.
At Rooted Rowan, I work with individuals who are seeking greater self-awareness, healing, and alignment between their values and their daily lives. Whether you are navigating relationship challenges, boundary concerns, faith-related questions, or recurring patterns that no longer serve you, counselling can provide a space to explore these issues with curiosity, compassion, and accountability.
Real change rarely happens through willpower alone. It often begins with understanding ourselves more deeply and taking one intentional step at a time.