Why You Keep Going Back to What Hurts You
addictions, habits, trauma bond, unhealthy relationships, relationships, separation, attachment
8/25/202620 min read
Sometimes the hardest thing to understand is why we keep returning to something we already know hurts us.
You know the relationship isn't healthy.
You know the friendship leaves you drained.
You know the family dynamic makes you anxious.
You know the habit isn't helping you.
You know that every time you go back, you eventually end up in the same place.
And yet… you go back.
Maybe you've asked yourself, “Why do I keep doing this?”
You might even wonder if something is wrong with you.
There isn't.
Going back to something unhealthy doesn't mean you're weak, unintelligent, or incapable of making good decisions. Often, there are very understandable psychological reasons why leaving something familiar can feel much harder than staying—even when staying hurts.
Familiar Doesn't Always Mean Safe
Our brains are drawn to what is familiar.
And unfortunately, familiar and healthy are not the same thing.
If you've spent years experiencing a particular relationship dynamic, it can become what your nervous system recognizes as “normal.” Even if that normal involves conflict, unpredictability, criticism, emotional distance, or constantly trying to keep someone happy.
The unfamiliar can feel frightening.
So you may leave a relationship and feel lonely, uncertain, and overwhelmed. You may start questioning your decision. You remember the good moments. You miss the person. You wonder whether you overreacted.
Suddenly, the relationship you left begins to feel safer than the life you haven't built yet.
Not because it was actually safe.
Because it was familiar.
Attachment Can Make Leaving Complicated
We don't simply detach from people because they hurt us.
We become emotionally attached to them.
You may have shared years together. A home. Children. Memories. Plans. Inside jokes. Holidays. A life.
You may still love someone who isn't good for you.
That's an uncomfortable truth that doesn't get talked about enough.
Leaving doesn't necessarily mean you stop caring.
Sometimes you have to hold two truths at the same time:
“I love this person.”
and
“This relationship is hurting me.”
Those two things can coexist.
Attachment can make it incredibly difficult to walk away, especially when the relationship has also provided moments of connection, comfort, or belonging.
The Highs and Lows Can Keep You Hooked
One of the most confusing relationship patterns is when someone isn't consistently hurtful.
Maybe there are periods of conflict, followed by apologies.
Distance, followed by affection.
Criticism, followed by reassurance.
You feel like you're finally done—and then suddenly things become wonderful again.
You experience closeness and hope.
You think, “Maybe this time will be different.”
This pattern is sometimes referred to as intermittent reinforcement: when positive experiences happen unpredictably among negative ones.
And unpredictability can be incredibly powerful.
If someone were hurtful all the time, it might be easier to recognize the pattern.
But when the hurt is mixed with affection, apologies, attention, intimacy, or promises of change, you can find yourself holding onto the good moments and waiting for them to return.
You aren't just remembering the relationship as it is.
You're remembering the relationship as you hope it could be.
What If Things Change?
Hope can be beautiful.
But hope can also keep us in places that are hurting us.
You may think:
“They're going through a difficult time.”
“They said they'll change.”
“Things are better lately.”
“Maybe I just need to be more patient.”
“We've been together for so long. I don't want to give up.”
Sometimes people genuinely do change.
But change isn't measured by promises.
It's measured by consistent behaviour over time.
An apology isn't the same as changed behaviour.
A promise isn't the same as accountability.
A few good weeks aren't necessarily the same as a sustained pattern of change.
You don't have to stop hoping.
But you can begin paying attention to what is actually happening.
Sometimes We Repeat What We Learned
Our childhood experiences can influence what we recognize as normal in relationships.
If you grew up around conflict, instability, emotional unavailability, people-pleasing, criticism, or unhealthy boundaries, you may have learned certain ways of relating without realizing it.
You may have learned to:
keep the peace at all costs
ignore your own needs
anticipate other people's moods
work harder for affection
tolerate behaviour that hurts you
believe love means sacrificing yourself
feel responsible for other people's emotions
Then, as an adult, some of those patterns can feel strangely familiar.
This doesn't mean you're destined to repeat your childhood.
It means that sometimes healing involves learning to recognize the difference between what feels familiar and what is actually healthy.
Fear of Being Alone Can Be Powerful
Sometimes the question isn't:
“Is this relationship good for me?”
It's:
“What happens if I leave?”
What if I'm alone?
What if nobody else wants me?
What if I regret it?
What if I can't manage financially?
What if my children are affected?
What if they move on?
What if I never find someone else?
What if I made a mistake?
Those fears are real.
And when you're scared of what comes next, going back can feel like relief.
But relief isn't always the same thing as safety.
Sometimes returning to what hurts you simply removes the immediate discomfort of uncertainty.
You don't necessarily return because the situation has become healthier.
You return because the unknown feels overwhelming.
Low Self-Worth Can Make Pain Feel Deserved
When we don't believe we deserve better, we can become willing to accept less.
You may tell yourself:
“Maybe I'm asking for too much.”
“Maybe this is just what relationships are like.”
“At least they aren't as bad as someone else.”
“Maybe I'm the problem.”
“Who am I to expect more?”
But having needs doesn't make you needy.
Wanting respect doesn't make you demanding.
Having boundaries doesn't make you difficult.
And expecting healthy communication, emotional safety, honesty, and consideration isn't asking for too much.
Sometimes part of leaving an unhealthy situation is learning that you don't have to earn the right to be treated well.
Boundaries Change the Pattern
A boundary isn't a threat.
It isn't a punishment.
And it isn't about controlling someone else's behaviour.
A boundary is about deciding what you will do when a certain behaviour occurs.
For example:
Instead of:
“You need to stop yelling at me.”
A boundary might sound like:
“If the conversation becomes disrespectful or involves yelling, I will end the conversation and we can try again when we're both calm.”
The other person may not like your boundary.
They don't have to.
A boundary becomes meaningful when you're willing to follow through with it.
And sometimes, when you begin setting boundaries, relationships change.
Some people adjust.
Some relationships become healthier.
And sometimes you discover that the relationship only worked when you were willing to abandon yourself.
That realization can hurt.
But it can also be freeing.
Going Back Doesn't Mean You Failed
If you've left and gone back, don't use that as evidence that you can't change.
You may have needed more time.
You may have needed more support.
You may have been afraid.
You may have been hoping things would improve.
You may not have been ready.
Healing isn't always a straight line.
Sometimes we leave.
Sometimes we return.
Sometimes we leave again.
Each time, we learn something about ourselves, our needs, our boundaries, and what we are willing to accept.
Instead of asking:
“Why am I so stupid for going back?”
Try asking:
“What was I needing when I went back?”
Was it connection?
Security?
Financial stability?
Reassurance?
Familiarity?
Hope?
Fear of being alone?
Understanding the need underneath the behaviour can help you change the pattern without shaming yourself.
You Don't Have to Hate Something to Leave It
You don't have to prove that someone is a terrible person before you're allowed to decide that something isn't healthy for you.
You don't need everyone else to agree.
You don't need a dramatic ending.
You don't even have to stop loving someone.
Sometimes the reason you leave is simply:
“This is hurting me, and I don't want to keep living this way.”
That can be enough.
And if you're struggling to break a pattern you've returned to over and over again, you don't have to figure it out alone.
Counselling can provide a space to explore why you keep returning, what you're afraid of losing, what you've learned about relationships, and what healthier boundaries might look like for you.
You don't have to shame yourself into changing.
You can understand yourself.
And from that understanding, you can begin making different choices.
Familiar isn't always safe.
And unfamiliar doesn't always mean wrong.
Sometimes the life that feels strange at first is the life where you finally get to feel safe, respected, and rooted in yourself.
Sometimes There Are Very Real Reasons You Stay
Not every reason for staying is emotional.
Sometimes there are very tangible, practical reasons that make leaving incredibly complicated.
Maybe you share a home.
Maybe you rely on your partner's income or benefits.
Maybe you have children together and leaving would completely change their lives.
Maybe you're worried about childcare, transportation, or finding somewhere affordable to live.
Maybe your name is on a mortgage or lease.
Maybe your finances are intertwined.
Maybe you have been together for twenty years and your entire family and social circle is connected to this person.
Maybe leaving means moving away from your community, changing your children's schools, giving up your home, or starting over financially.
Maybe you're caring for an aging parent together.
Maybe your immigration status, employment, housing, or access to resources is connected to the relationship.
Maybe there are pets you don't know how to separate.
Maybe you don't have family nearby.
Maybe you simply don't have somewhere else to go.
These aren't excuses.
They're real barriers.
And sometimes telling someone, “You need to leave” completely overlooks the reality of what leaving actually requires.
A person can know that a relationship is unhealthy and still not have a realistic or safe way to leave it today.
That distinction matters.
Staying Doesn't Always Mean You Don't Know It's Unhealthy
Sometimes people assume that if someone stays, they must not realize how bad things are.
But someone can be completely aware that a relationship is hurting them and still feel unable to leave.
They may be thinking:
“Where would I live?”
“How would I support my children?”
“Can I afford rent on my own?”
“What happens to our house?”
“How will I pay the bills?”
“Who will help me with the kids?”
“What will happen to my family?”
“Will I lose my relationship with their family?”
“What will happen to my children if we separate?”
“What if leaving makes things worse?”
Those questions aren't weakness.
They're someone trying to calculate the cost of a life-changing decision.
Sometimes staying is not a sign that someone doesn't want change.
Sometimes it is a sign that they are trying to survive within the options available to them.
Family Can Make Things Even More Complicated
Relationships rarely exist in isolation.
There may be children, parents, siblings, grandparents, in-laws, mutual friends, shared traditions, and years of memories connecting two people.
Leaving one relationship can sometimes feel like risking an entire family system.
You might worry about disappointing your parents.
You might worry about what your children will think.
You might worry about family members taking sides.
You might worry about losing important relationships with your partner's family.
You might even feel responsible for keeping everyone together.
But maintaining peace for everyone else can sometimes come at the cost of your own peace.
And there is a difference between protecting your family and sacrificing yourself to keep everything looking the same.
Sometimes You Need a Plan, Not Just Courage
If practical circumstances are keeping you in an unhealthy situation, telling yourself to “just leave” may not be particularly helpful.
You may need a plan.
That might mean quietly learning about your financial options, exploring housing, understanding your legal rights, building a support system, gathering important documents, finding childcare, speaking with a counsellor, or identifying community resources.
You don't have to figure out every step at once.
Sometimes the first step isn't leaving.
Sometimes the first step is simply learning what your options are.
Information can create choices.
And choices can create a sense of possibility where there once seemed to be none.
You Can Hold Two Truths at Once
You can love someone and recognize that the relationship isn't healthy.
You can care about your family and recognize that something needs to change.
You can be financially dependent and still want greater independence.
You can be afraid to leave and know that you don't want to stay forever.
You can stay for now without deciding to stay forever.
Sometimes the goal isn't to make one enormous decision overnight.
Sometimes the goal is to start building enough support, information, confidence, and resources that eventually you have more choices than you have today.
There is a difference between being stuck and taking the time you need to create a path forward.
And if you're in an unhealthy relationship, you deserve support without judgment—whether you're ready to leave, thinking about leaving, or simply trying to understand what you're experiencing.
🌿 You are allowed to choose what is healthy, even when what is familiar is hard to let go of.
When Staying Means Staying in an Abusive Relationship
There is another piece of this conversation that deserves to be taken seriously: abuse.
Not every unhealthy relationship is abusive. Relationships can be unhappy, disconnected, unhealthy, or incompatible without one person intentionally using fear, intimidation, or control over the other.
But when abuse is present, it is important not to minimize what is happening or reduce it to simply being a “difficult relationship.”
Family violence is an abuse of power within a family or other trusting relationship. It can happen between current or former partners and can take many forms. It doesn't have to leave a bruise to be abuse.
Abuse Doesn't Always Look Like What We Expect
When people hear the word abuse, they often picture physical violence.
But abuse can be physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, spiritual, or coercive and controlling. It can also involve stalking, harassment, isolation, threats, or digital surveillance.
Some examples include:
hitting, pushing, kicking, choking, biting, or physically restraining you
threatening you, your children, family members, or pets
constantly insulting, humiliating, or degrading you
controlling who you see, where you go, or what you do
monitoring your phone, location, social media, or online accounts
preventing you from working or accessing education
controlling your access to money or bank accounts
taking your paycheque or creating debt in your name
threatening to take your children if you leave
forcing or pressuring you into sexual activity
destroying your belongings or threatening your pets
stalking you or repeatedly contacting you against your wishes
using pregnancy, immigration status, finances, housing, or other vulnerabilities to control you
You don't have to experience physical violence for your relationship to be abusive.
Fear and control matter too.
The Cycle of Violence
Some abusive relationships follow what is commonly described as a cycle of violence.
It may begin with a period of increasing tension.
You may notice more criticism, arguments, jealousy, intimidation, threats, or controlling behaviour. You may find yourself carefully choosing your words, trying not to “set them off,” or doing everything you can to keep the peace.
Then there may be an acute incident.
This could involve physical violence, sexual violence, threats, destruction of property, or severe psychological abuse.
Afterward, the person who caused the harm may apologize.
They may cry.
They may promise to change.
They may buy flowers, become affectionate, blame alcohol or stress, promise to get help, or tell you that it will never happen again.
For a while, things may actually feel better.
You may think:
“Maybe this was the wake-up call they needed.”
“Maybe things really will be different now.”
And then, eventually, tension begins building again.
The cycle starts over.
Canadian Justice resources describe this pattern as tension-building, an abusive incident, followed by a period of remorse or reconciliation. They also caution that not everyone experiences abuse this way. Some people live with ongoing fear, control, and domination without a distinct “honeymoon” period.
That distinction is important.
A calm period does not erase what happened.
And an apology is not the same thing as lasting change.
Why the Cycle Can Make Leaving So Difficult
Imagine living through the same pattern repeatedly.
Fear.
Hurt.
Apology.
Relief.
Hope.
Connection.
Then fear again.
The periods of kindness can become incredibly meaningful because they offer relief from the periods of fear.
This is one reason people may feel deeply attached to someone who is hurting them.
They aren't necessarily choosing the abuse.
They may be holding onto the version of the relationship that appears during the good periods.
They may be waiting for the person they love to become the person they keep promising they will be.
And sometimes the abusive person genuinely can be loving, funny, generous, attentive, and affectionate.
That's part of what can make abuse so confusing.
Someone does not have to be cruel every minute of every day for their behaviour to be abusive.
The Risks of Staying Can Be Serious
Abuse can have profound physical, psychological, social, and financial consequences.
Living with ongoing fear and control can affect a person's confidence, relationships, employment, finances, physical health, and mental well-being. Children can also be affected by family violence, even when they are not the direct target of the abuse.
And in some situations, abuse can escalate into serious injury or death.
This is why leaving an abusive relationship should not always be approached as simply:
“Just leave.”
Leaving can actually be one of the most dangerous periods for someone experiencing intimate partner violence.
Leaving Can Increase the Risk of Violence
This is one of the most important things to understand about abusive relationships.
When abuse involves coercive control, the abusive person may experience separation as a loss of control. Violence can continue after a relationship ends and, in some circumstances, can escalate around the time of separation.
Canadian Justice guidance notes that the period immediately before and after separation can be a period of heightened risk. Historical Canadian data found that, from 2007 to 2011, a woman's risk of being killed by a separated spouse was nearly six times the risk associated with a spouse to whom she remained legally married.
More recent Canadian research continues to show the seriousness of intimate partner homicide.
In 2024, there were 100 intimate partner homicide victims in Canada, and 81% were women. The number of women killed by a current or former intimate partner increased from 53 in 2023 to 81 in 2024.
Statistics Canada has also found that a history of family or intimate partner violence was present in nearly half of gender-related homicides of women and girls where that information was available.
These numbers are not meant to frighten someone into leaving.
They are meant to explain why safety planning matters.
If you are in an abusive relationship, announcing that you are leaving, confronting an abusive partner, or suddenly changing your routine may carry risks that someone outside the relationship cannot see.
Leaving Safely Is Different From Simply Leaving
If abuse is present, you do not necessarily need to tell your partner everything you are planning.
You may need to speak privately with someone who understands family violence and develop a safety plan first.
That could include thinking about:
Where could I go if I needed to leave quickly?
Who could I call?
Do I have access to my identification and important documents?
Do I have access to money or a separate bank account?
Are there medications I or my children need?
Who could help with transportation?
Are there children or pets who need to be included in the plan?
Does my partner monitor my phone or online activity?
What would I do if my partner found out I was planning to leave?
Who can help me understand my legal options?
A safety plan should be individualized to the circumstances. What is safe for one person may not be safe for another.
And if you are helping someone experiencing abuse, resist the urge to demand that they leave immediately.
Instead, listen.
Believe them.
Help them explore their options.
Support their safety.
Leaving an abusive relationship can be complicated and dangerous, and there may be no simple or immediate solution.
You Don't Have to Wait Until It Gets Worse
Sometimes people tell themselves:
“It's not that bad.”
“At least they haven't hit me.”
“They apologized.”
“They've never hurt the kids.”
“They're under a lot of stress.”
“It only happens when they drink.”
“Maybe I'm making too much of it.”
But you don't have to wait for abuse to become more severe before taking it seriously.
Control is worth paying attention to.
Fear is worth paying attention to.
Threats are worth paying attention to.
Isolation is worth paying attention to.
Financial control is worth paying attention to.
Sexual coercion is worth paying attention to.
And if you find yourself constantly changing your behaviour because you're afraid of how your partner will react, that matters.
You deserve to feel safe in your own home and in your relationships.
If This Sounds Familiar
If you recognize yourself in this, you don't have to make a major decision today.
You can start by telling someone.
A trusted friend.
A family member.
A counsellor.
A doctor.
A social worker.
A family violence service.
You can ask questions without committing to leaving.
You can learn about your options before you decide what to do.
And you can get support even if you're not ready to leave.
In Alberta, the Family Violence Info Line is available 24/7 at 310-1818, including text and online chat options. Alberta also provides information about shelters, financial assistance for people fleeing family violence, and options for safely ending a tenancy. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.
The goal isn't to judge you for staying.
The goal is to help you understand why you're staying, what risks you're facing, and what choices are available to you.
Because sometimes the first step toward leaving isn't walking out the door.
Sometimes it's realizing:
“What is happening to me isn't my fault. I deserve to be safe. And I don't have to figure this out alone.”
Building Your Way Toward More Choices
If you're in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you may not be able to leave today.
And that's okay.
You don't have to have every piece of your life figured out before you start creating options.
Sometimes the safest and most empowering thing you can do is begin building a life outside of the relationship before you are ready—or able—to leave it.
Think of these things as protective factors: sources of strength, support, stability, and connection that can make it easier to cope with difficult circumstances and, when needed, create a safer path forward. Research consistently identifies strong social support, stable relationships, safe housing, and access to economic and community resources as important protective factors.
Build Your Community
Abusive relationships often become smaller and smaller over time.
You may stop seeing friends.
You may become disconnected from family.
You may avoid telling people what's happening because you're embarrassed or afraid they won't understand.
You may even start believing that you have nobody.
Start rebuilding those connections.
Call the friend you haven't spoken to in months.
Join a class.
Talk to a coworker.
Reconnect with a sibling.
Join a community group.
Find a support group.
Go for coffee with someone you trust.
You don't have to tell everyone everything.
Sometimes the first step is simply having people in your life who know you, care about you, and remind you that your world is bigger than your relationship.
Social connection can become especially important when someone has been isolated or controlled.
Make Friends Even If You're Out of Practice
If you've been isolated for a long time, making friends again can feel uncomfortable.
You may think:
“I'm too old to make new friends.”
“Everyone already has their people.”
“I don't know how to socialize anymore.”
Start small.
You don't need a new best friend.
You need connection.
Take a class.
Volunteer.
Join a walking group.
Go to the gym.
Attend a community event.
Try a hobby you've always wanted to try.
Sometimes rebuilding your identity begins with discovering that you actually enjoy things outside of being someone's partner, parent, daughter, or caregiver.
Build Financial Independence Where You Can
Money can be one of the biggest barriers to leaving.
If you can do so safely, begin learning about your financial situation.
Know what comes into the household.
Know what bills are in your name.
Understand your credit.
Keep copies of important financial documents.
Learn what benefits or community supports you may qualify for.
If it is safe and appropriate, consider building an emergency fund or separate access to money.
Even small amounts can matter.
The goal isn't necessarily to secretly accumulate a huge amount of money overnight.
The goal is to gradually create options.
Financial independence can mean different things for different people. For one person, it might mean having enough money for a few nights somewhere else. For another, it might mean returning to work, upgrading education, opening a bank account, or learning what financial assistance is available.
Housing, income, and employment are recognized as important practical factors in a person's ability to leave an abusive relationship.
Build Your Confidence in Yourself
Abuse can slowly erode your confidence.
After enough criticism, manipulation, or being told that you're the problem, you may stop trusting your own judgment.
You might start asking:
“Am I overreacting?”
“Maybe it really is my fault.”
“Maybe I can't manage without them.”
“What if I can't do this on my own?”
Start practicing trusting yourself again.
Make small decisions without asking for permission.
Try something new.
Keep promises you make to yourself.
Learn a new skill.
Take yourself somewhere.
Speak up when something doesn't feel right.
Notice what you are good at.
Keep a list of things you've handled that once felt impossible.
Confidence doesn't usually appear before you take action.
Confidence often comes from taking small actions and discovering that you can handle what comes next.
Build Your Own Identity
Sometimes unhealthy relationships can become so consuming that you lose track of who you are outside of them.
What did you enjoy before this relationship?
What interests did you put aside?
What dreams did you stop talking about?
What parts of yourself have become smaller?
Start bringing some of them back.
Read.
Create.
Exercise.
Travel if you can.
Take a course.
Listen to music.
Get involved in your community.
Wear something you like.
Rediscover your sense of humour.
Spend time with people who know you as you.
You are more than your relationship.
Learn About Your Options Before You Need Them
You don't have to be ready to leave to learn what leaving could look like.
Find out what housing options exist.
Learn about legal resources.
Find out what financial assistance may be available.
Learn where shelters and transition houses are located.
Talk to a counsellor or social worker.
Find out what supports exist for your children.
Keep important phone numbers somewhere safe.
Understanding your options can reduce the feeling that you are trapped with only two choices:
Stay or leave today.
There are often many steps in between.
Government of Canada safety-planning guidance recommends researching available services, talking with trusted people or professionals, considering legal advice, and gathering important documents as part of preparing for safety.
Take Care of Your Physical Health
When you're living under chronic stress, your own health can become an afterthought.
Make appointments.
Take your medications.
Eat regularly.
Get enough sleep when you can.
Move your body.
Spend time outside.
Go to the doctor.
Find ways to calm your nervous system.
These things may seem small, but taking care of yourself sends an important message:
“My well-being matters.”
Strengthen Your Support Network Before You Need It
Think about who you would call if you were having the worst day of your life.
Do you have someone?
If the answer is no, start building that network now.
It doesn't have to be one person who can do everything.
You might have:
one friend you can call
one family member who knows what's happening
a counsellor
a doctor
a coworker you trust
a neighbour
a support group
a community organization
a legal resource
a financial resource
a shelter or family violence organization
A safety plan can include people, housing, food, health care, employment, income, childcare, and important documents—not just an emergency exit plan.
Keep Important Things Accessible
If you are experiencing abuse, think about what you would need if you suddenly had to leave.
Depending on your circumstances and what is safe, this might include:
identification
birth certificates
health cards
passports
immigration documents
financial information
medications
keys
important phone numbers
children's documents
legal documents
copies of important records
some cash or access to funds
Some people choose to keep copies with someone they trust or somewhere their partner cannot access them.
But safety comes first.
If your partner monitors your belongings, phone, computer, finances, or movements, even preparing to leave can create risk. A safety plan should be individualized to your circumstances.
Protect Your Digital Privacy
Technology can be another way someone maintains control.
If your partner monitors your phone, email, location, social media, or browsing history, be thoughtful about how you seek help.
You may need to use a friend's device, a work computer, or a public computer to research resources.
Consider your passwords, location sharing, social media privacy, and shared accounts.
Don't assume that deleting something means it cannot be accessed.
Your digital safety is part of your safety plan too.
Give Yourself Permission to Grow
Perhaps the most important protective factor is beginning to believe that you are capable of having a life that feels different.
You don't have to feel confident yet.
You don't have to know exactly what you're going to do.
You don't have to be ready to leave.
You can simply begin building.
One friendship.
One savings goal.
One appointment.
One new skill.
One boundary.
One activity that belongs only to you.
One person you tell the truth to.
One piece of information you learn.
One step at a time.
And eventually, you may look around and realize that you've built something you didn't have before:
options.
You Don't Have to Build Your Exit Alone
If you're experiencing abuse, these steps should never be interpreted as a requirement to secretly prepare to leave without support.
Your safety comes first.
In some relationships, a partner may become more dangerous when they realize they are losing control. That's why safety planning with someone knowledgeable about family violence can be much safer than trying to figure everything out alone.
And remember:
The responsibility for abuse belongs to the person choosing to use abuse.
Building your confidence, saving money, making friends, or creating a safety plan isn't about fixing the person who is hurting you.
It's about strengthening you.
You deserve relationships where you don't have to shrink yourself to keep the peace.
You deserve friendships where you don't have to earn your place.
You deserve a home where you can breathe.
You deserve financial and emotional security.
And you deserve a life where your choices aren't determined by someone else's anger, control, or fear.
Sometimes leaving begins long before you actually walk out the door.
Sometimes it begins the moment you start quietly building a life in which you have choices.
If you're struggling with an unhealthy relationship or repeating patterns that you can't seem to break, Rooted Rowan can help you explore what's keeping you stuck and what you want your relationships to look like moving forward.